I went to India (Part 2)- and THE lesson God had for me that I really did not expect....

    As soon as I decided that my answer to God was "yes", and that I was actually going to leave my family for 12 days and travel across the planet, the fun began. Preparation to go on a major journey is always complicated, but when one is leaving such a large group of children and responsibilities behind, it becomes a truly daunting task. There were schedules to arrange, meals to plan, bills to pay, etc, on top of the actual training for what we would be doing in India. I met my team and instantly fell in love which each and every one of them. One of the first things my team leader said was that this trip was going to be a huge vacation for me! I laughed at the thought, because I was going to a third world country on Missions, for goodness sake! How "vacation-like" could that possibly be? I was preparing for long hours of hard work, sub-par sleeping conditions, and strange foods.  She kept saying that since my life here is so often INSANE, that this trip would be refreshing! She would tell me that she felt that Jesus was taking me away on a little honeymoon, and that this time would be a sweet time with Him loving on me. I laughed every time she mentioned this.

   A few weeks before the trip, I posted on Facebook after my youngest child woke me from a Nyquil induced sleep by climbing on me and projectile puking on my face. All over my head. What a fantastic way to wake up! Well, she texted me again saying that Jesus was whisking me away on this special time with Him. I realized I did really need some of that, but really I am going to WORK!

  So off we go on our way to India, and friends, from the minute I left the craziness of my life, Jesus did just what my sweet friend said He would do. He started LAVISHING His love on me. In crazy ways. We got unexpectedly upgraded on our 13 hour flight from NYC to Dubai. And when I say "upgraded", I mean to the lap of luxury! We were in the upstairs of the world's largest plane. Each of us had our own little "pod" for the flight, with our fully reclining seat, personal TV and tablet, unlimited food and drinks, free designer bag with toiletries, and private lounge! Oh. my. heavens. We actually felt guilty enjoying such luxury while on Missions. For a minute- we felt guilty for a minute. My sweet, beautiful flight attendant had a lovely British accent, so it felt like Mary Poppins was taking care of me. She would nudge me awake and ask, "Would you care for a spot of tea and a hot towel to freshen up?" Ummmmm.....yes! I have never been so well taken care of in my life. It was amazing. And the WHOLE time I kept hearing in my head that Jesus was taking me on a honeymoon, and it really felt like it. He was lavishing His love on me!

   When we got to our hotel, I felt His love again as it was one of the most breathtakingly beautiful places I have ever seen. It is important to have good security at a hotel in India, and there were not a lot of choices that fit that requirement. This place was amazing, and comfortable, and the staff was beyond lovely. Again, I felt the Lord was taking such care of me!

  We spent a couple of days doing ministry of various kinds, and then it was my BIRTHDAY! I was so excited to spend my birthday in India! And, we were going to get to play with orphans that day, too! I knew it would be the best birthday ever. Once again, God exceeded all my expectations that day and extravagantly poured out His love on me. I woke up to a little knock on the door from my sweet housekeeping staff, who had 2 dozen roses for me. What?!? I don't get flowers. Like ever.
Then we went downstairs for breakfast and the restaurant had a cake for me. I really can't remember the last birthday cake I had that I didn't make myself. What a sweet surprise, complete with trick candles!

  Back upstairs to get ready to leave for the day, and cake #2 is in my room with more flowers from the housekeeping staff....

   Downstairs, the amazing Suresh came to pick us up with ANOTHER cake, folks. Yes, this is 3 cakes and it is only 9:00 AM. AND he brought a tiara, too, because birthday girls should be princesses, right? The hotel gave me a garland of flowers and made a big deal of taking pictures for my special day. As a mom, my birthdays at home are usually a lot like every other day. I still have to feed people and do laundry, and all that regular mom stuff. So, being treated like a princess was such an unexpected treat. I felt Jesus lavishing His love on me with each one of those cakes.

   Off we went then to spend the day with the most amazing kids, from the Neolife Mission. We got to go with them to their new land, where their new home will be built. We played sports, and bubbles, and painted nails, and giggled a lot. It was awesome. And we got to pray for salvation for one of the local workers! And also, like you might have guessed, they gave me a cake. That is 4 birthday cakes, friends. And they were all chocolate, in case you were wondering. Jesus wasn't skimping out on any white cake on this day!

   And then that evening, I got sick. SICK. Really grossly sick. I joked I was a real missionary now, but it was no laughing matter. I was miserable.

   The first two days of being sick were rough for me emotionally as well. I felt like a FAILURE. Here I was, stuck in bed, when my team was out ministering and doing what I had prepared and trained for. I felt I was letting them down. I felt I was letting down the people who donated support money for my trip. I felt most of all I was letting God down. I had come all the way across the world to obey His call and do His work, and now I physically COULD NOT. Ugh. I was a mess.

   And then, God started teaching me THE lesson He sent me all the way to India to learn. THE lesson He had for me (and for YOU). My team came into my room with a guitar, and sat on my bed and worshiped all around me.  I slowly started to feel His love WASH OVER ME. I remembered what it says in Psalm 23:
      He MAKES me lie down in green pastures.
      He leads me beside QUIET waters.
      He RESTORES my soul.
   
   Do you see that it says He MAKES us lie down in green pastures? That sort of means to me that it isn't always a choice by us to be side-lined for a bit. I was SICK. He was MAKING me lie down. And boy, were my pastures green! I was resting in a beautiful, comfortable bed in an elegant hotel. And those waters being QUIET? I never get quiet, I have 6 children. When I am sick at home, I cannot rest. You know I am right, mommas. When we are sick, we still have kids jumping on our heads demanding peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. This time, I had true quiet. I was able to sleep. For three whole days. I have not slept like that in 16 years. It was glorious. A doctor came right into my room to my bedside and gave me shots and medication. Room service kept bringing me Sprite and cracker, with flowers on the side even when I did not request it. I have never been taken care of like this before. It was His love to me.

  During the quiet of those few days, I had such sweet time with my Savior. He was telling me that HE LOVES ME, oh, how he loves me! He loves me with an extravagant love! And He was assuring me that IT DID NOT MATTER that I was not out there on the mission field "working", that His love is NOT dependent on that AT ALL. He loves me no matter what I do! Me doing "good works" has no bearing on His love for me.
   Of course good works should naturally follow salvation. We should all desire to do good works. But the lesson He was teaching me was that those works can never add to His love for me! In Isaiah 64:6 it says that all our righteous acts are like filthy rags. They can never compare to His act on the cross. They cannot add to my salvation. Ephesians 2:8-10 says "For it is by GRACE you have been saved, through FAITH- and this is not from yourselves, it is the GIFT of God- NOT BY WORKS, so that no one can boast."
   He was lavishing His love on me on the other side of the world, to teach me a lesson that my crazy, busy schedule at home didn't give me enough *quiet* to learn. He loves me. He loves you. More than you can EVER comprehend....

   I did get better after 3 days, hours before I was to put in a hospital for dehydration. I got to spend a few more amazing days in India, falling in love with the people there. I will blog more on what else God did while I was there later.

   And then it was time to go home, and guess what? He upgraded us on our long flight again. Yes, He did. For me, because...

    

The process of being "Juiced for Jesus"....

So, I should be home schooling my kids right now, but my morning reading just slapped me upside the head and I feel I need to write this out *right now*. (The older kids are doing their Bible study, so all is not truly lost. Yet.)

My daily reading from "My Utmost For His Highest" by Oswald Chambers was titled "A Life of Pure and Holy Sacrifice". And here are some quotes that struck me, and that I will refer to later in the post.
     
   "Jesus did not sat say, "He who believes in Me will realize all the blessings of the fullness of God, " but, in essence, "He who believes in Me will have everything he receives escape out of him." 
"His purpose is not the development of a person— His purpose is to make a person exactly like Himself, and the Son of God is characterized by self-expenditure. If we believe in Jesus, it is not what we gain but what He pours through us that really counts. God’s purpose is not simply to make us beautiful, plump grapes, but to make us grapes so that He may squeeze the sweetness out of us. "


Um, ouch. I have heard about producing fruit all my life, but never, ever thought about the *purpose* of that fruit this way. Fruit- what IS IT'S purpose in everyday life? We consume it. We squeeze it and bleed it dry and then discard the empty, now useless carcass. Then, if we want more of that sweet juice or fruity flesh, we must GROW MORE. We can't go back to that pile of used up grapes over there in the trash. We have to grow more to have more to ONCE AGAIN use up. Ok.....spiritual parallels LIGHT BULB moment here. 
So the growing of my spiritual fruit in my life, is for it to be USED up. And REGROWN. A one-time growing is not going to cut it, y'all. And when I think about how those poor little grapes and oranges must feel like when they are juiced, (supposing they actually had feelings, just go with me here a minute...) it CANNOT be comfortable. They are squeezed and smashed and all the life just runs right out of that fruit. That is what our service is like often, right? It is often uncomfortable. It requires SACRIFICE, and often leaves us feeling spent as well. So, here's the deal- THAT IS OK! I think that is how we are supposed to feel so that we GO BACK to Jesus who IS THE VINE so we can be nourished once again and GROW MORE FRUIT! 
 Click HERE to read the whole post from "My Utmost For His Highest".


So, it's time to get squeezed. And home schooling usually does the trick, so here I go. 

I went to India- and the lessons God had for me ....and YOU! PART 1

I have been home from India about 2 weeks. It will be in my heart forever, and I can't wait to get back there. But WHY did I go and WHAT DID I LEARN? Well, the answers to these questions are truly of the miraculous nature, so I will cover them in a couple of posts so you don't have to sit for hours and read. 

So here goes.

I had never felt really "called to Missions". I had never felt called to go to India. But, last year I made a conscious decision to strip away a lot of *extras* in my life, and focus more on God and loving Him. I felt Him say the time is short, and He wanted us draw closer to Him. Much fruit was gained from this, but most of all, I felt like I *heard* Him much more. Quiet can do that apparently.

I read a post on Facebook from my closest friend that mentioned she was planning on going to India on Missions for two weeks. I felt God say, "GO!" I laughed OUT LOUD. I was standing in my messy kitchen actually laughing at God telling me to go to India. I have 6 children. I run two businesses. I basically do like EVERYTHING at my house to keep it running, and usually people are fed and clothed. India? Two weeks? Bwahahahahaaaa! Then I realized I was acting like Sarah in the Bible when God said she was to have a child in her advanced age. Ooops. Better stop laughing and pray about this.'

I approached my husband cautiously with this new idea, pretty sure he would think I had been abducted by aliens. He did not say anything. He looked at his calendar. He walked into our room and shut the door. Hmmmm. Crickets. Then he walks out with tears in his eyes and hands me an envelope. It was savings bonds from when he was a child. He said he had never had a good enough reason to cash them until now, and offered it as my first support donation. (Wow) I guess I am going to India.

I started to process of getting support letters written, and felt God very clearly say NOT TO WORRY about the financial part of this trip. He would provide. Well, he better! I certainly can't afford to just finance it! So my kids and I stuffed envelopes and prayed over them, and I sat back expecting the money to just start rolling in. LOL. A few weeks passed by and I had about 3 donations, one being from my parents of course. The deadline for the first half was quickly approaching like a dark cloud. I started to worry. I felt guilty about the worry- felt like it was a lack of faith. But I just. couldn't. help. it. 

I set off for a quick trip to a home school convention with some of my sweet momma friends. I needed a miracle in 3 days. I needed about $1500. I confessed to my friends my lack of faith and begged them to pray with me about the situation. I felt like God was trying to teach a lesson to me about TRUST and I kept thinking about the Israelites wandering in desert and getting their manna provided WHEN THEY NEEDED it. Not before. They couldn't save it. It was there just when they needed it. But, oh boy, that is tough to wait.

The next evening my husband called to say he had a card from the mail and was told we should open it together. It was from my Aunt whom I had sent a support letter to. I told my friends - maybe this is the miracle! Maybe she sent a large donation! Maybe, just maybe it was close to the $1500! Could God really do that?

Well folks.....wait for it....IT WAS $5000! Yes. BUT WAIT, THERE's MORE! There was a letter. It said that she had already donated to my trip online, and she felt confident I would be 100% fully funded through means OTHER THAN this check. But she didn't WANT ME TO WORRY. *She* didn't want me to worry! Really, that letter was penned by her from my Heavenly Father to me. It was *HE* who didn't want me to worry- just like He said! And wouldn't you know it, friends, all $1500 of the money I needed for that deadline DID roll in those 3 days, so that I did not need to use that check from my aunt. Of course. Sometimes I think God like to show off a bit :)

With that lesson learned, and my faith renewed, the second deadline was also met TO THE DOLLAR right when I needed it. 

He provided. Just like He said. Lesson #1. Stay tuned for the next post for Lesson #2. 

On Pierced Hands and Feet, and the Silence of Saturday...

     This season of Lent, of preparation for Easter, has been an especially meaningful one for me this year. We have delved into the meaning and practices of Lent and of the Jewish Passover during our home school. I personally have been doing various Scripture reading programs on my own to prepare my heart as well. I think all this *focus* has made me more sensitive to seeing His story played out all around me everyday, and seeing new significance in little things.
     First, I began pondering His wounds. His hands and feet. Is there perhaps some significance there? What does the Bible say about hands and feet? About His and about ours? What do you use our hands for? Well, quite honestly, we use them to sin. Many of the ten commandments require the use of our hands to break them. Commandment Two- Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image. Thou shalt not "make". Making involves our hands, as well as our hearts. Even if we make something an idol in our hearts, we usually act out our *worship* with our actions, our hands. Remembering the Sabbath and keeping it holy? When we don't, we are usually *working* with our hands. Stealing, murdering, adultery.....all involve our hands. And what about our feet? Let's not leave them out! They take us to the place of sin. We could use them to "flee every appearance of evil", but we do not always do that. Maybe having HIS hands and feet pierced for us, as he paid for the sins of OUR hands and feet is quite symbolic. And after the resurrection, Jesus sent the disciples out to spread the Good News to the world. We are to be His HANDS and FEET. Being His hands suggests that we are to minister, serve as He would. Being His feet means taking the Gospel to people around the world (and in our own backyards) that need Him. Since His hands and feet were pierced, we need to be His body now.
     Second, I started to think about Saturday. Saturday was silent. SILENT. No answer, no movement, no hope coming from the Lord. I understand how that can feel. So many of us have had deep, intense times of personal struggle when we simply do not hear from God.
     Some of you know my story. I had a history of struggling with eating disorders before I got married and had my first child. I was not aware that that made me a prime candidate for postpartum depression. Well, let's just say it hit me hard. SLAM. I was thrown into the deepest pit of my life. I could not scrape my way out. I prayed until I could not find anymore words. I slept holding my Bible, crying out to God for help. I felt like David in the Psalms when he cries out continually with no response from the Lord. Why was He silent. Why wouldn't He rescue me? Why was I being given "too much to handle"? Well, here is the thing: He DOES give us too much too handle, because that is when we are FORCED to turn to Him. I would also learn to trust in Him even when I couldn't *feel* Him. That was "my Saturday".
     In one of my readings this Lent, I read that "we would like to have death and resurrection put together within one hour of each other. We cannot face the thought that God will keep us aside for so long a time; we cannot bear to wait. All is darkness, but it is only for a night, a full night. Afterwards you will find that everything is given back to you in glorious resurrection..." Oh, that night (series of many nights in my case)is hard. It is silent. Just like that Saturday when Jesus was in the grave. But, SUNDAY came! You can't get to Sunday without having Saturday! And I praise God for my Saturday, because it did teach me to trust in Him, no matter what.
    When my Sunday came, and the resurrection of my spirit was given, He restored my joy and turned my mourning into dancing! He gave me FIVE more children after that, when I thought I would never be able to have anymore. I have been completely healed, with no touch of postpartum at all! He restored the years the locust had eaten. Praise the Lord!
    So, during this silent Saturday, remember that Sunday is coming! All will be made new and be restored!
Happy Easter!